Simply Be an Observer

On an average day, how many times do you feel bothered by something, whether it is big or small, logical or illogical?  If you watch yourself mindfully from the beginning of your day, it might be easy to lose count of all the situations that make you feel dissatisfied.  Whether it is waking from the wrong side of the bed or someone stepping on your toes, it is a mere sense of helplessness - a feeling of exasperation or displeasure that is beyond explanation.

A healthy dose of curiosity can be an antidote.  It is as easy as asking yourself a simple question:  What an I fearful of when I am disgruntled?  Be honest and empathetic with yourself and simply observe that fear in you.  And try not to belittle that fear by quantifying or justifying it.  Or another way to put it is, just know and be non-judgemental.  Over time, the fear will dissipate by your kind understanding and full acceptance.    

Quick Recipe for Manifestation

Ingredients:

100% Intent with Loving Kindness
100% Focus
100% Positive Feelings
100% Imagination


Method :
1. Identify the underlying belief that gives rise to the current negative feelings 
2. Understand the fear behind this belief
3. Magnify your intent to change this belief with complete focus
4. Imagine the outcome or scenario with this new belief; make it as graphic and real as possible with sounds, colours, smell or taste if relevant 
5. Generate the positive feeling(s) which will support the new belief 
6. Play this over and over again with an extra dose before you doze off 

Teflon Mind vs Velcro Mind

Our minds are like velcro - sticky and attached.  It is as if the thoughts come wrapped in hooks and barbs and stay firmly entrenched.  That leaves us with no mental space for us to live and function fully.  Sometimes, it might even spillover to other past experiences that we associate those unpleasant thoughts with and everything becomes an intricate web.  The more we try to dispel those thoughts, the more challenging it is to forget, thus adding more frustration and despair to a situation which we often leads to shame and blame.  In truth, thoughts have no master, they just arise.  Without a thinker.  Random as they are, we are not the marionettists controlling the puppet.  No matter how much we cling onto our thoughts because of emotional attachment, they are transient and come and go based on causes and conditions.  Like passing clouds.  And the more space you can create for your thoughts, the more they will float.  And the more we observe the thoughts as independent "entities", the more we can embrace the emotional reactions that accompany those thoughts.  What you will then realise with clarity is the judgement that trigger those reactions.  Not only do we need to challenge those underlying beliefs that come with the judgement, but we need to learn to shift our focus back to here and now and not get caught up in ruminative thinking.

Let external phenomena exist as phenomena, both accidental and impermanent by nature.  It is a teflon mind that we ned to cultivate.

Two Exercises Using Self-Talk

Because of a negative stigma associated with self-talk, we may regard a person who does so as "out of one's mind".  But in fact we spent a lot of time each day engaging in inner dialogues and frequently talking to ourselves under our breath.  Many of those silent thoughts are based on our distorted views and self-defeating beliefs which often lead to negative emotions.  But perhaps we can also use our inner talk to experience a shift by engaging in these exercises:

Exercise One:
For the next 24 hours, skip the words "I" or "me", "mine", "myself" for any self-talk you might have using yourself as a pronoun.  So "I want to eat an apple." becomes "Eat an apple."  Or "I am so happy." becomes "So happy."

Exercise Two:
For all dialogues that you have with yourself, skip your comparison and instead describe something without labels of value judgement.  Example of such predefined labels are good, bad, love, hate, like, dislike...Those are all labels of definition we use based on splits and differentiation, which of course are also words of polarity or extremes.

Observe how you feel at the of a day when you have done these exercises.  Do you feel different?  Are you more calm?  And do you notice that the second exercise becomes easier when the "I" or "me" wither away?

Doing vs Being

In spiritual practice, a lot of people associate "doing" with actions, an engagement in physical activities.  Conversely, "being" is being interpreted as "not doing".  At best, this can only be partially right.  "Doing" also has everything to do with the act of thinking, thinking of who we want to become.  How can I become this or that?  And how can I go from here to there in life?  Of course this is not the same as planning on mundane matters like how to cook a new dish or to commute in an unknown city.  Rather, it is the desire to become somebody that is not who we are right at this moment.  Or to put it in another way, it is the non-acceptance of the present moment.  Can we really accept that everything is happening exactly at the right time with you perfectly at the right place with the right person?  We are often exerting too much effort which goes against the law of nature and not trusting that all experiences are precisly what we need for our spiritual growth.

But as we are in this physical reality, we are bound by time and space by default.  And most crucially, we are limited by our own thought system.  We do not need to dismiss our thoughts, the key is not to become the slave of our mind.

Bubble

An illusory world that we have created
With one deluded thought, followed by many
Flowing like a river, pouring like a fall
But always perpetual
Can you see the reality from beyond?
Or are you living within the bubble?
Within or without, freedom can be gained
The moment you wake up from your dream and not just dream of waking up
Experience your experiences
- not with a mind of duality but a mindless Mind, not with an ego-grasping self but a selfless Self

Transformation Redefined

Spiritual seekers aspire to transform - transform themselves, transform their beliefs, even transform others.  As the word transform is a verb and thus has a connotation of “acting”, how do we reconcile that when spirituality advocates “being” rather than “doing”?  Well maybe we urgently need to rethink what transformation means.  Very often, we are eager to see changes in our external world, or more accurately, our outer experiences.  Obviously that has everything to do with our senses as we believe what we see, hear, smell, taste or touch is real.  But we never question whether that is true, and what we connect with our senses may not be as real as you think.  And conversely, what we cannot experience may not be unreal and non-existent.  This has all to do with the limitations of our human ability.  Fundamentally, if the entire universe is manifested from our collective mind, then what is so-called transformation may not necessarily translate into changes in the outer world as those can only be a by-product from changes within.  In fact, often we do not need to change any action at all.  What we need to “do” is to contemplate so that we can truly understand where our discomfort and pain are from.  And from that we can derive the root cause of our distorted beliefs and learn to be compassionate to ourselves.  This is already transformation to the fullest and the rest, by universal law, will naturally flow.

Choices

Life is about decisions.  And the life that will unfold in front of you is the outcome of a whole series of decisions that you have made.  Many parenting books teach us how to guide our children to make good decisions through a systematic thought process.  But in reality, there is really no good or bad decisions but only conscious or unconscious.  And this is not referring to banal or mundane matters, but rather the beliefs we have adopted and the associated feelings.  Even if it is something that we seem to reject, it could well be an unconscious choice of ours to make us feel protected and safe.  For instance, if we cling onto our fear as a result of what we believe in, it could in fact be a mechanism for us to stay alert and fend off perceived danger.  Or if we internalise our anger, we might have a better chance to be a disciplined and good person.

So before you start to dismiss your "bad" feelings or look for ways to transform them, think mindfully whether you truly want to eliminate them.  Are they of value to you because they are your defence mechanism?  Only through understanding of the reasons for their existence and how they no longer serve you, you can really part with them - with friendliness.

Oxymoron and Spirituality

Endless Beginning
Effortless Effort
Tough Love
Humble Pride
Imperfect Perfection
Gateless Gate
Common Uniqueness
Irrational Rationality
Speechless Language
Unconditional Conditions
Choiceless Choice
Solitary Connection
Wholesome Void
Silent Noise
Powerless Power

Jealousy and Appreciative Joy

Jealousy is an emotion.  It is hard to find a human being who has never been jealous of someone one way or the other.  Innate in us, it has been observed in infants who are jealous of their siblings who are monopolising the attention of their parents.  So there is no need to feel ashamed even if you find yourself consumed by the fire of jealousy.  In fact, I encourage to use no effort at the beginning to dismiss or transform it.  Rather, be aware of how it feels in you.  Accept it.  Embrace it.  Connect with it.  Can you relate to that physiological response every time that jealousy is running in your circuit.  Are your criticisms justified?  Or is it a case of sour grape from less successful work of yours?  Are you pretending that you do not want it?  Or do you simply want to opt out of the game of comparison?

If you reflect on it, you may be able to find the chain of thoughts that precedes or follow this powerful emotion.  Almost in all situations, there is a feeling of insecurity coupled with inadequacy which then develop into anger and resentment of some sort.  It is a wake up call.  First and foremost, admit that you want what the others have whether it is a status, an achievement or material possession.  Then recognise that we can still be worthy of love from ourselves and others as long as we can look at our own uniqueness beyond the cultural definition of success.  Ultimately we want to aim at the goal of cultivating appreciative joy.  This is the wholesome attitude of rejoicing in the happiness and virtues of all, like a mother celebrating at the success of her son.  Will it take a reborn Mother Theresa to be able to do so.  Well, if you do not at least start with admitting to the fact that jealousy resides in you, then how can we ever practise and evolve?

The Four Immeasurables - True Love & Happiness

True happiness cannot be achieved in isolation but when we can relate to others. When one person is happy, there is always a ripple effect and an impact on others.   It is seldom that you can find a heartless loner who is genuinely happy.  With such understanding, the Four Immeasurables in Buddhism can help us lay a solid foundation to cultivate true love and happiness.  But regardless of which religion or belief system you come from, these four pointers are probably the most practical ones to a more profound spiritual practice.  These are the cultivation of loving-kindness, compassion, appreciative joy and equanimity.  Immeasurable as there is literally no limit or boundary to how vast this practice can be and to who we can target.

To begin with, can we practise loving-kindness by loving not just our loved ones?  Can you really see and appreciate the virtues in all and be respectful to them?  (Well if not, can you try to at least see more good than bad qualities in someone?).  Once we have loving-kindness as the bedrock, one can easily develop the precious attitude of compassion as you will naturally want others to be free from suffering.  After all, don't we all share the same objective of being happy?  The third one is cultivating appreciative (or altruistic) joy - to be delightful at the happiness or success of others, regardless of who they are.  The fourth one is equanimity.  As we have mentioned earlier that everyone seeks happiness, we need to cultivate the ability to be even-minded towards everyone no matter how they have become.  Such freedom of strong reactions can also free us from our pride and our self-grasping nature.

We cannot let our dualistic knowledge and experiences obscure our primordial nature anymore - one that is pure, clear and pristine.  The development of the Four Immeasurables may not happen overnight, but there is at least one person that we should conscientiously apply them on - yourself.

Perfection

Perfection is a concept, and so is its contrary
For what is perfect can only exist against what is imperfect
For what is flawless is only meaningful when there are flaws
It can only be relative but with no limits to its reference
To chase after perfection is to chase after limitless goals
The day we can accept what is and abandon all things relative
Is a day that we can breath in the fresh air of joy and freedom

Ephemerality

The Ephemerality of Life -
Transient, brief, almost effervescent in nature
The more you try to grasp, the sooner it will slip out of your hands
To the present - Adopt an all-embracing attitude
To the future - Be open and curious
Only because it is ephemeral, that we can create magic moments
For ourselves and others
Disjointed our memories may appear
What remains is a tapestry of love

The Butterfly Effect

New age spiritual advocates like to rave about oneness, which in essence means that we are all of one consciousness.  While we may understand this conceptually, it is still difficult for most people to relate to and apply it to real life.  After all, we are all distinct and separate individuals leading our own paths.  Perhaps we can try to re-define the term in a way that can make it easier to comprehend.  How about when we say that all lives are interdependent, and that one action may lead to a reaction at a distance.  The Butterfly Effect, anyone?  It is a notion that the a butterfly flapping its wings in New Mexico or Brazil can set off a case of atmospheric events, thereby causing a hurricane or tornado somewhere else in the world like China or Texas.

With pragmatism, this means that the decisions you make and the way you treat others have a direct or indirect impact on others.  The idea is not to say that a small thing can directly result in a catastrophe.  But small things, when added up together, can have non-linear influences on a bigger and more complex system.  That is, they serve as catalysts that act on other conditions.  

Although this is from a doctorate thesis in 1963 by Edward Lorenz, it is in no way an idea of novelty.  In Buddhism, there is an important and fundamental teaching called "Dependent Origination" (pratitya-samutpada), the view that all phenomenon exists dependent on other phenomena or conditions contingent with it.  This is sometimes also referred to as "dependent arising" or "interdependent arising".  If so, life is indeed an intricate web and there is no way that we as humans can absolutely be able to see through all the underlying factors that attribute to all the happenings.  All we know is that it is governed by the law of karma.  Scientifically it is explained by Newton's third law of motion: "To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."  Perhaps this will give us a strong incentive to cultivate our spiritual practice and be mindful of our decisions.

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love -  a topic that is mentioned in spirituality for eons that has become a cliché.  It does make people wonder whether it is a fallacy or a tried-and-true teaching.  Quite honestly, most people have not received it and are certainly unable to give others unconditional love.  And in a world full of criticisms and judgement, how can we give out unconditional love to others when we find ourselves so dissatisfied with them?  The truth is, we always mirror back how we feel inside.  If we look within, we may find out that we have been unable to, or yet to be able to give ourselves unconditional love.  So how can we be on the supply side of this love equation?  And how did it all begin?  Because we had never received it when we were a child.  And how could that happen?   Because our parents did not give us unconditional love.  And if we need to drill further, what could be the reason for that?  Because they also did not receive unconditional love from their parents, just like us.  Of course, this is in no way a reason to blame our parents (for they did not know better) or to feel pitiful for ourselves (for we are not victims). 

To grow and mature as fulfilled individuals, we must come into realisation that we are inherently whole and complete.  So even though we may be perceived as “inadequate”,  it can in no way undermine our worthiness.  We then begin to accept our mistakes and flaws as features or characteristics, and not label them as “good” or “bad”.  That’s not to say we do not strive for continuous improvement, but we do not belittle or undervalue ourselves when we are short of others’ expectations.  With such an awareness, we will also begin to let go of the shortcomings of others and fully accept them as worthy humans who all deserve the indistinguishable level of love and respect.

Hello Again, Inner Child

Ever so often, our actions and behaviour are so unconscious that they may seem second nature to us.  We might not even know that we have not been living our authentic selves.  As long as certain emotions were not processed satisfactory, it could have a profound impact on us developmentally.  This is by no means a clinical definition, but refers more to the meaning to us as we mature as human beings, which indeed is a continuous process throughout one's life.

Indeed this is a defensive mechanism of human beings.  But when you think of all the masks that we have been wearing to protect ourselves and to seek love, it is astonishing to realise how much of our full potential we have failed to live up to.  Over time, these masks become our personas and represent those aspects of us that have only led to more pains and wounds.  Why?  Because the challenges of life seem to be magnified as the universe always mirrors back the disguises that we are putting on, hence replaying all of our vulnerabilities in our physical experiences.  As full potential can only be manifested when we are living our authentic selves, it is by discarding these masks that we can truly see the real gem inside us.

The German psychologist Stephanie Stahl has the most comprehensive and relevant description of the masks that most of us are wearing.  Does any one of them belong to you?  And if yes, have you asked yourself: "How?".  Is any one or more of the following a facet of you?

Perhaps you are suppressing your feelings because they are too hurtful to deal with?
Or playing with transference and repeating your childhood experiences in other relationships of yours?
Maybe if you look within more consciously, you can see how you are identifying yourself as a perfectionist in order to gain approval from others?
Are you dismissing your own needs too so as to seek harmony because of your fear of denial?
Are you playing the role of saviour or rescuer so that you will be appreciated?
Or are you a power-seeker because of you are afraid to be an obedient weakling?
Maybe you are a control freak so that you can gain certainty?
Are you also habitually criticising or attacking others because you perceive something or someone as a threat?
Have you remained a child so that you can be taken care of and rely on others to make decisions?
Do you know if you are a loner and dissociate yourself from others so as to avoid anxiety or embarrassment?
Or a narcissist so that your elevated ego can conceal your own flaws?
Or is it possible that you are a role-player or a liar so that you can pretend to be somebody else?
And to gain instant gratification, are you an addict so as to satisfy your desire?

But most important of all, who would you be if you can discard these masks which no longer serve you?

Hello, Inner Child

Each and every one of us has an inner child deep inside us.  It represents our childlike aspect and is the voice of the child you once were.   It is a subordinate of our waking conscious mind and so it is unconsciously influencing our desires, actions and behaviours.  And since most of us have suffered from some kind of trauma as children, it reconnects us with our old wounds without our awareness.  Certainly it is not just a concept, but a key and fundamental aspect of us that needs to be acknowledged, embraced and healed so that we can become whole again.  So if it is the appropriate timing, you can start to ponder on these...When you were once young and innocent...
Did you have a safe refuge?
Did you have a caregiver that gave you stability?
Did you have independence?
Did you have control?
Did you have someone that you can rely on?
Were you happy?
Were you being valued?
Were you being acknowledged?
Were you being approved?

Ask yourself candidly, and is your honest answer a "no" to any of the above?  Are there often times that you are wearing a mask for self-preservation and protection?  Or conversely, did you feel that your needs were satisfied and have thus enabled you to live as your authentic self?

Naive Realism

Naive realism is the idea that our senses allow us to have direct awareness of objects and that we see the world out there as it actually is, rather than appearing from our own perception.  For instance, the way we perceive colours is automatic and outside of our conscious choice.  We take it almost for granted that the colours are in the objects appearing in front of us, and do not see them as results of neural connections and the way our brains interpret particular frequencies of light.  And that is precisely why colour-blind people and animals interpret the same waves of light differently and thus see different colours.

You may then wonder, how does the understanding of the above affect the way we physically see in a functional manner?  Well clearly, it does not. But its implications are far more profound: it explains how it leads to so much diversity of viewpoints, opinions and beliefs in this world that deters kindness and compassion to be cultivated.  Conflict is fuelled by naive realism.  Having said that, I am not advocating consensus views across the board, as this is impossible.  Rather, I am suggesting that if how we see the world is such an illusory process and so "personal", then maybe we can try to have a little more respect for those that do not see eye to eye with us.  Perhaps being less judgemental is the very least that we can do right at this instance.   

One But Unique

Is onesness a cliché or an abstract idea?  If this is so widely advocated, why are there still chaos and disputes in our world?  Oneness is indeed true as each and every one of us in the universe is a fragment of the ONE consciousness.  But the lack of such recognition has resulted in misunderstanding and conditioning of the human race, hence making us believe that our lives are marked by separation and demarkation.  Yet at the same time we are also unique in a sense that we are part and parcel of the whole - each of us is one piece of the puzzle that holds the key to the truth.  While we are unique beings with our own role to play, we all have the same fundamental human needs, the same craving to connect and be loved.  And precisely because we share one consciousness, we can, if willingly, see from others what is unconsciously projected from within us and know ourselves better.  This is true whether we are referring to a relationship with another individual or the collective.

Oneness can only be experienced, and not just talked about superficially over tea.  The key to this, which you already own, is wisdom and love.    

Inner and Outer Awareness

Most people live by the day with a reasonably strong outer awareness.  We are aware of how our senses interpret the external world - what we see, hear, smell, taste and touch.  What ties in with such interpretations are our preferences and judgement based on our feelings towards our experiences.  But not too many people will also look inwards and see how we have arrived at these conclusions, which is what inner awareness is all about.  Inner awareness is understanding and seeing where our perception comes from.  It explains how and why we see the reality of "our" worlds.  Happiness and freedom is about aligning the inner and outer awareness.  The flow takes place when we can choose to have the experiences we would like to have (outer) by adopting the right frame of mind and beliefs (inner).

Words

Thinking, derived from language.
Then how would thoughts exist without language?
Language, based on duality.
Then how would I experience oneness with language?
We believe we are made up of our thoughts.
Then who would I be without thoughts?
Is a thoughtless person just pure existence?  Or Be that is Be-coming?
Becoming stillness beyond words.

Can You Control Your Mind ?

100%.  But that is rather our potential and the gaining of control usually requires deep practice and cultivation.  So for the majority of us who are still queuing for the ticket to enlightenment, we still have a lot of moments feeling really out of control.  Metaphorically, the sail is steering away in a totally different direction although we know deep inside us that whichever way that we are heading towards, it is not the right action that we want to take.  Helplessness it is called.  Unless you are one of those blessed reincarnated entities who have transcended human suffering, we are born to identify with "I"- me, me and me.  That is when the trouble begins.  When we are are so attached to ourselves, our first and foremost objective is survival and self-preservation.  So rather than controlling our minds, we let our minds control us and lead us to all those fear-based thoughts and actions.  Undoubtedly we have this unconscious belief, albeit wrong, that such thoughts or actions will give us the security and protection that we yearn for.  But only do we realise in hindsight that the inevitable rise to greed and sensual attachment cannot feed our souls, and anger and aversion also fail to shield us off from external attack from enemies.  All these stemmed from our ignorance and wrong perception of our egocentric "selves", which we will move heaven and earth to preserve.

If we can step back, detach and witness ourselves as participants in a cosmic show, we may be able to play along and engage ourselves with awareness in the game rather than seeing it as a threat.  This will loosen our grasp of the "I" and reinterpret our relationship with the world.  Perhaps then the outcome can bring you pleasant surprises when you can let go of the desperate need to control.  And most likely, you will drop the need to have any expectations and no longer equate control with safety.

Seeing is Believing?

Seeing makes it believable because you think what is in front of you is real, as simple as that.  But what we see is only what we are wired to see.  To understand this better, some brief notes on Biology 101 may help.  We all know that we see with the pupil of our eyes.  The light first passes through a protective outer layer called cornea, and then moves into the lens.  The adjustable structure of the lens bends the light, focusing it down to a point on the retina which is at the rear of the eye.  When nerve signals are sent by the retina to the optic nerve, the brain or more specially the visual cortex, steps in as the interpreter and processes the visual input.  It elaborates the visual stimuli we receive and transforms them into what we perceive as reality (visual images).  So thanks to our brains for constantly interpreting, correcting and giving structure to the visual input from our eyes as it is indeed a highly selective process.  It is always busy choosing what to concentrate on and what to filter out.  Casting out all the terminology, it is thus the brain that constructs our visual world, physiologically.  To make it more perceivable, we would like to attribute it to the brain.  Tactile and visible it is, right?  But after all, isn't the brain just a product of the mind?

So what determines what we have chosen to see then?  Visual memory and attention work together to allow a smooth and coherent transition from one source of information to the next.  When the data is stitched together, we do need our brain to create our perception of a meaningful visual world.  But it is only meaningful to, literally, the eye of the beholder.  There is more to what is behind the meaning.  The meaning only makes sense when it is coming from the judgement and beliefs accumulated from past experiences of the individuals.  Some of the things that we can see and observe on a day to day basis may be pleasing to us, but I cannot say that this is the case of the majority of our experiences.  If we were to work in reverse, how about if we can be more mindful and reflect on what we can choose to see and demystify all our judgement behind our choices? 

Blow off the Flame

A primary school science teacher would tell you that a fire needs three basic things:- oxygen, heat, fuel.   A small candle cannot store much heat in the wick.  By blowing on it, you remove heat by blowing the warm air away.  Since the only fuel available is the melting wax at the tip, it is thus possible to remove the source of ignition - the flame.  Once the source is cut off, it cannot no longer burn no matter how much fuel or oxygen is available.

So in our every day life, how can we inhibit the fuel from burning when we are consumed by anger, sadness, anxiety and every other intense emotion?  We surely know that such emotions are derived from or thoughts, and most of the thoughts that we have today or tomorrow are also thoughts that we had yesterday.  Human beings are simply animals of habits.  We tell ourselves stories with content that we seldom doubt its accuracy, only to next realise that we are re-telling it over and over again even though it is bygone and outdated.  Intriguing enough, some neuroscientists have noted that the physiological lifespan of an emotion in the body is 90 seconds, after which it will dissipate and dissolve on their own.  Still there are other new age advocates who claim that within 17 seconds of focusing on a thought, a matching vibration becomes activated until its manifestation begins when you can remain on it for as little as 68 seconds.

But there is not much relevance here to debate on the precise time period for which emotions can survive.  It is more important to know that we have the opportunity to be mindful about our feelings and emotions moment by moment.  The shift happens when we give ourselves a break to the ruminating thoughts just by witnessing our emotions and becoming aware of its physiological expression - and most importantly, with the mind stepping aside.  The mind (ego) would always want to step in, flex its muscles and play the role of a protector.  And if you find that challenging to do, short-circuits it by proactively but immediately engage in a simple new activity.  Say a mantra, take a few long deep breaths or sing a song.  Your choice.

Breath

You are the life force that has made me "real"
Though I have not taken much notice of you
You have never abandoned me
When I am angry, you appear as wind
When I am calm, you are called chi
Versatile you are, just to differentiate yourself
And remind me to be
You are the expression of me
And the expression of the universe
In and out incessantly
No Birth No Death
No Defilement No Purity
No Increasing No Decreasing
If I can immerse myself in the stillness-
The moment you leave and before you re-enter
I will fade the line between you and me;
Me and the world

Are you a Good Listener?

Listening is truly an art.  An art of relating, appreciation and connection.  When a person really listens to another, he or she is with him or her at all levels.  Physically, there are only two entities that exist: the listener and the speaker.  Between them, there is no barrier, let alone gadgets or mobile phones.  At a mental level, there is no space for the mind to wander but rather heightened awareness to what will be communicated and without judgement.  The two persons are also emotionally in sync and yet neither party is being sucked into a downward spiral.

In other words, it is almost like a meditation process.  When we meditate, our monkey mind cannot remain still and needs to anchor onto something.  To replace zillions of thoughts, one will identify an object and use it as a focus for our meditation.  This is most often our own breath, a mantra or an image.  So what makes someone a great listener is that he or she will use the other person as that object and fully attend to him or her.  There is complete openness to whatever that will be taken in, just like the fact that one will not judge his or her own breath and will simply let it flow.  There is purely an integrated presence.  And again, analogous to meditation, when distraction arises we gradually bring our attention back to the other person.  

Curiosity Killed the Cat (But Satisfaction Brought it Back)

As the idiom suggests, one's inquisitiveness can be hazardous, especially when it extends to areas that one does not need to know about.  But the initial idea is to warn someone against prying into others' personal affairs.  There are indeed risks associated with unnecessary probing or investigation.  However, the rejoinder also indicates that the risks, if any, would lead to resurrection because of the satisfaction felt after finding out.

In a more unconventional way, I am referring to self-curiosity here.  So is self-curiosity also dangerous?  It could be.  When innocent young children ask adults questions, they are incessant enquiries that commence with  "How...", "What..." or "Why...?".  And you will notice that they are never afraid of what answers they might get.  It is simply driven by the urge (or rather urgency) to know.  But if you are to turn such curiosity inward at your mature self now, you may actually shy away from any questions which have the slightest chance of directing us to our hidden wounds.  Those actions and behaviour that we resist, consciously or unconsciously, often stem from our intention to protect ourselves and mitigate the risks of us getting hurt.  As human beings, this just naturally happens when we have had past experiences when were once injured but never healed.  So if it is a protective mechanism, why would we have the incentive or motivation to be self-curious?  True, it is not for those who only respond with negativity when asked to change.  But little that they know that self-curiosity always go hand in hand with vulnerability - a gateway to self-awareness and creativity.  When you can let your hair down and replace any resistance with questions like "How might I...", "What could I..."."Why did I...", your creativity will bring you the unlimited possibilities that can become available instantly.

A little self-introspection can go a long way.  When you can taste the fulfilment created by the demystifying process, the world is truly your oyster.

Dis-ease

If we are to date back the word to its French origin, disease means "lack of ease". Obviously, it suggests an absence of harmony within the body.  The innate intelligence of the body is unable to function optimally and bring it to homeostasis.  (Homeostasis is the tendency of the body to maintain balance and equilibrium within its internal environment by physiological processes.)  However, one thing from which we must rise above is the approach to disease treatment: the symptoms is never the cause of the dis-ease.  For instance, high blood pressure indeed could be dangerous because it makes the heart work harder to pump blood out to the body.  If untreated, it could lead to hardening of the arteries, stroke or even heart failure.  But would it be sufficient just take medication, eat a healthier diet with less salt or quit smoking if you are a smoker?  Sure all these will help.  But in all honesty, what is creating a build-up of inner pressure?  What are the feelings not being expressed?  And is the person suffering really clear on what he is stressful or anxious about?

The human body is largely influenced by what goes on in the mind.  If true healing is to take place, we have to revert to the root cause and deal with what is going on at the mental level (thoughts), which always pairs up with its emotional counterpart (feelings).  This is why we have to cultivate self-awareness so that we can understand our mind and challenge ourselves on what we are believing.  And more importantly, how such beliefs handicap us and therefore manifest themselves as dis-ease.  Physical treatments are undeniably vital and necessary, but they are tools and mechanism at best.  We need to be targeting at the right object - our mind. 

What is Self-Love?

A lot of people understand self-love as coddling yourself or giving oneself freedom to indulge.  But is that it?  Such a behaviour will easier give a person an excuse to perform selfish acts at the expense of others. This is not to say that we should be sacrificial and only do things for the benefits of others thus dismissing one's personal needs.  Rather, we need to know what true compassion is to oneself so that we can express our compassion to others authentically in the same way.  Self-compassion is about developing self-acceptance and embracing every facet of you - rain or shine, good or bad, light or dark.  It is about adopting a forgiving and non-judgemental attitude towards yourself with a simple reminder of what I call the "7As": Awareness, Admitting, Acknowledging, Accepting, Allowing, Affection and Appreciation.  And indeed, the same goes for  all of our relationships with others.  Things will always fall into place, one way or the other, but may not be in the exact way that complies with our wishful thinking.

Can you love yourself unconditionally no matter what?  If not, what is the starting point of the discussion of unconditional love?        

Parenting

We all have parents or are parents ourselves, but few can claim that they have no complaints in the relationship whichever side of the equation they are on.  The nature of the relationship is intricate and full of dilemmas.  It is also one which we can derive the greatest fulfilment, pain or regret.  Given the vulnerability and emotional immaturity of a growing person, he or she is subject to the most profound conditioning.  But the parents themselves are not to be spared, as the encounter with their own children often reopens old wounds and may possibly pour salt in them.  "Should" and "should-not" are often the key words used and sadly, whenever there is blame, we also miss the opportunity to heal.  The liability is never external.  No matter what the behaviour of the child is, we are distressed only because there is something triggered in us - an issue not entirely dealt with and subliminal.

If one says the eyes are the mirror of the soul, I would rather say your children's eyes are the mirror of your soul.

Je ne sais pas

I don’t know what I don’t know
There is nothing to know and no need to know
Impossible to know and I cannot know
If I need to know, it is not to be known but to be shown
Shown how to love for this is a gift
And the only thing there is

Anger

Anger’s ubiquitousness makes it banal, yet it colours our inner landscape in the most surprising way.

Anger likes to disguise itself, sometimes it appears as resentment, frustration, arrogance or cynicism; while other times it masks itself as impatience, self-pity, sarcasm or guilt.

Anger can be explosive like a raging fire, but it can also be subtle like a quiet watchdog.

Anger needs to be expressed but it can be repressed and make people oblivious to their own, whether it is towards others or themselves.

Anger is fear turned inside out - fear of loss of power and control. And it always defies logic. 

Whatever form it takes and however it is manifested,

anger must come judgment, followed by a “should” or “should-not”.  

But if only we can accept and embrace what is, can anger still rear its head?

Knowledge vs Knowing

People often say that knowledge is power.  That really depends if you can transform knowledge into knowing, as only the latter will be your inner power through which you can give a personal testimony.  Knowledge, even that related to the spiritual, is just plain theory if it cannot be applied to the practical life.  Only experience is real, the rest are concepts at best.  This is the difference is between doing and being, mind and heart, left brain and right brain, past and present....

So would you rather be the active witness or the passive student?

Two Hearts that Beat as One

When we are living from our hearts rather than the mind, our heartbeat will synchronise with that of the universe.  When that happens, we are natural expressions of gratitude and kind thoughts.  Compassion is simply a natural state of being when our consciousness is aligned with that of the macrocosm.  Having said that, I am not proposing that we dismiss any brainwork so as to push away our ego.  Rather, I am suggesting that we need to bring our awareness to all levels - body, speech and mind.  Being close to nature is the easiest way to bring our connectivity to other beings and the universe.  We also need to tap into the language of the heart (feelings) and not just the language of the mind (thoughts).  And with strong intent, every behaviour should stem from love and not fear, for fear can only be a fabrication of the deluded mind.  By doing so, we are raising our own frequency and creating the space for real changes to take place.

Most of us have been so hard wired to think in a particular and fixed way which consequently generate repeated feelings, to the extent that we helplessly let our neural network runs its course.  The only way to get out of the rut is to give yourself an opportunity to implement, train and debug our own network by creating different neuronal firing patterns.