Our minds are like velcro - sticky and attached. It is as if the thoughts come wrapped in hooks and barbs and stay firmly entrenched. That leaves us with no mental space for us to live and function fully. Sometimes, it might even spillover to other past experiences that we associate those unpleasant thoughts with and everything becomes an intricate web. The more we try to dispel those thoughts, the more challenging it is to forget, thus adding more frustration and despair to a situation which we often leads to shame and blame. In truth, thoughts have no master, they just arise. Without a thinker. Random as they are, we are not the marionettists controlling the puppet. No matter how much we cling onto our thoughts because of emotional attachment, they are transient and come and go based on causes and conditions. Like passing clouds. And the more space you can create for your thoughts, the more they will float. And the more we observe the thoughts as independent "entities", the more we can embrace the emotional reactions that accompany those thoughts. What you will then realise with clarity is the judgement that trigger those reactions. Not only do we need to challenge those underlying beliefs that come with the judgement, but we need to learn to shift our focus back to here and now and not get caught up in ruminative thinking.
Let external phenomena exist as phenomena, both accidental and impermanent by nature. It is a teflon mind that we ned to cultivate.
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