I Feel xxx Because...

No one enjoys negative emotions and we are often so eager to transform them.  But rather than being caught up with the contributing factors that may result in self-blame or blame of others, it is most effective when you can find out the mental constructs being them.  Of course, there are many tactics that one can employ, such as change of mindset or deep breathing. But those can only give us temporary cessation of pain and perhaps peace of mind in the short term.  If you are willing to contemplate on it, you will realise that the afflicted emotion can only be justified when it is supported by our thoughts, which in turn are derived from our own beliefs and assumptions.  When we distance from it and gently investigate, we will learn to understand the constructs behind it.  Very clearly we have chosen a belief that no longer serves us and that an alternative viewpoint can always be adopted in all of our experiences.  Starved of its justification, we can see how it defies logic and the afflicted emotion will diminish on its own.  This is the real transformation - transformation of the belief and not the emotion.