Conflicting Beliefs

Most of us have had the experience when we are of two minds about something.  We want to be enjoying solitude instead of hanging out with friends, or sleeping in instead of working out.  Or we might have a dominant desire to please ourselves rather than our partners.  Such conflicting goals are examples of incongruence, and they usually originate from our own internal conflicts.  It is almost like a battle that you can never win, or lose, as a matter of fact.  However, because the psychic energy are spent on opposing directions, it is draining at an emotional level and eventually, at a physical level too.

To most people, they may not even be aware of what the conflict is and simply experience a strong feeling of stress and disharmony.  What are the causes of such incongruity?  Well, there could be one or more attributes.  Perhaps there was a significant event from the past from which you have formed a belief, or moulded your value system.  Or could you be role-modeling from different figures in your life who made the beliefs incompatible?  Do you have unspoken loyalty to your root family and its associated values, which often become "dated" with our life passages and transitions?

At the end of the way, it is about adopting a new belief system which allows us to be balanced and whole again.  The initial step?  Identify the conflicting parts.  Once each part becomes clearly defined, try to demystify the intention of each part or belief until you can find the common intention for each.  Then integrate these parts and allow them to co-exist.  Very often you will discover that your intentions are not really mutually exclusive.  For instance, sleeping in or working out may probably be derived from the same intention of nourishing your soul.  It is just a matter of prioritising on what gives you the most joy at that moment of time.
            

True Forgiveness

The Course of Miracles has a very different interpretation of forgiveness - one which is relevant, constructive and transformative.  According to conventional teachings, we have always been taught that to forgive is to pardon someone else's mistakes.  But true forgiveness is to forgive ourselves through the mistakes of others, and this is done through acknowledging how distorted our views are.  It is to recognise and forgive what others have not done and yet we believe that they have done.  This is not to say that mistakes are not made, but rather, we do not see such doings as a form of attack and thus impose guilt and blame on ourselves or others.   

Forgiveness is a shift in perception and to be able to see the divine nature in the "sinner".  As all minds are joined, forgiving ourselves is thus also forgiving others.  The real change is simply bringing the focus back from an external event or another person to within.

What is your Instinctive Defence Mechanism?

It is always easy to be together in good times, but supporting each other through tough and challenging times will offer some greatest opportunities to cultivate self-awareness and empathy.  It will surely eliminate a lot of "should" and "should-nots" and save a lot of air-time trying to win a losing battle.

We all have a natural disposition on how we respond to stress.  Look around your family, workplace or social circle, you will bound to find friends, colleagues or closed ones who are angry or fiery during stressful time, well, a firecracker that is small but potent.  Whilst others may respond with the need for a retreat from the outside or emotional outpourings.  There are also some who need to be involved in agreement, discussion or reasoning, resulting in anything from fruitless mumble-jumble to heated conversations.  And there are still some who simply endures and goes through the pain in silence, a silent martyr.

If you would like others to appreciate your emotional world, take that step first in appreciating others'.