How Are You?

"How are you?" is probably the most frequently asked question when we greet someone.  It is as basic as Hello!" or "Hi!".  Yet few really explore the intent behind this simple enquiry.  Are we really concerned with how that person across us feels?  Are we really interested in his or her well-being?  Do we really wish that person the best of his or her emotional and mental states?

And when we are responding to the very same question, how many times have we just said "I am fine." or "Very well, thank you!" so as to complete the loop like our first lesson in a foreign language.  Or have we really asked ourselves how we are really doing?

Autistic people often cannot interpret emotional and social cues (known as social-emotional agnosia).  This is caused by the abnormal functioning of the amygdala which governs our emotions, and renders them unable to perceive facial expression, body language or voice intonation.  These social deficits may lead to difficulties in determining the emotional significance of external social events, thus making them appear as "aloof" or "remote".   A simple question like "How are you?" befuddles them and may also sounds foreign and irrelevant.

But when we are asking this simple question with a lack of meaning and no intent of wishing the other person to be happy and well, then maybe we are the ones who own the deficits and are not being emotional sensitive.  After all, it is the intent of an action that drives everything.  So let us try to add a dose of compassion when we are next asking "How are you?".