Hello Again, Inner Child

Ever so often, our actions and behaviour are so unconscious that they may seem second nature to us.  We might not even know that we have not been living our authentic selves.  As long as certain emotions were not processed satisfactory, it could have a profound impact on us developmentally.  This is by no means a clinical definition, but refers more to the meaning to us as we mature as human beings, which indeed is a continuous process throughout one's life.

Indeed this is a defensive mechanism of human beings.  But when you think of all the masks that we have been wearing to protect ourselves and to seek love, it is astonishing to realise how much of our full potential we have failed to live up to.  Over time, these masks become our personas and represent those aspects of us that have only led to more pains and wounds.  Why?  Because the challenges of life seem to be magnified as the universe always mirrors back the disguises that we are putting on, hence replaying all of our vulnerabilities in our physical experiences.  As full potential can only be manifested when we are living our authentic selves, it is by discarding these masks that we can truly see the real gem inside us.

The German psychologist Stephanie Stahl has the most comprehensive and relevant description of the masks that most of us are wearing.  Does any one of them belong to you?  And if yes, have you asked yourself: "How?".  Is any one or more of the following a facet of you?

Perhaps you are suppressing your feelings because they are too hurtful to deal with?
Or playing with transference and repeating your childhood experiences in other relationships of yours?
Maybe if you look within more consciously, you can see how you are identifying yourself as a perfectionist in order to gain approval from others?
Are you dismissing your own needs too so as to seek harmony because of your fear of denial?
Are you playing the role of saviour or rescuer so that you will be appreciated?
Or are you a power-seeker because of you are afraid to be an obedient weakling?
Maybe you are a control freak so that you can gain certainty?
Are you also habitually criticising or attacking others because you perceive something or someone as a threat?
Have you remained a child so that you can be taken care of and rely on others to make decisions?
Do you know if you are a loner and dissociate yourself from others so as to avoid anxiety or embarrassment?
Or a narcissist so that your elevated ego can conceal your own flaws?
Or is it possible that you are a role-player or a liar so that you can pretend to be somebody else?
And to gain instant gratification, are you an addict so as to satisfy your desire?

But most important of all, who would you be if you can discard these masks which no longer serve you?

Hello, Inner Child

Each and every one of us has an inner child deep inside us.  It represents our childlike aspect and is the voice of the child you once were.   It is a subordinate of our waking conscious mind and so it is unconsciously influencing our desires, actions and behaviours.  And since most of us have suffered from some kind of trauma as children, it reconnects us with our old wounds without our awareness.  Certainly it is not just a concept, but a key and fundamental aspect of us that needs to be acknowledged, embraced and healed so that we can become whole again.  So if it is the appropriate timing, you can start to ponder on these...When you were once young and innocent...
Did you have a safe refuge?
Did you have a caregiver that gave you stability?
Did you have independence?
Did you have control?
Did you have someone that you can rely on?
Were you happy?
Were you being valued?
Were you being acknowledged?
Were you being approved?

Ask yourself candidly, and is your honest answer a "no" to any of the above?  Are there often times that you are wearing a mask for self-preservation and protection?  Or conversely, did you feel that your needs were satisfied and have thus enabled you to live as your authentic self?

Naive Realism

Naive realism is the idea that our senses allow us to have direct awareness of objects and that we see the world out there as it actually is, rather than appearing from our own perception.  For instance, the way we perceive colours is automatic and outside of our conscious choice.  We take it almost for granted that the colours are in the objects appearing in front of us, and do not see them as results of neural connections and the way our brains interpret particular frequencies of light.  And that is precisely why colour-blind people and animals interpret the same waves of light differently and thus see different colours.

You may then wonder, how does the understanding of the above affect the way we physically see in a functional manner?  Well clearly, it does not. But its implications are far more profound: it explains how it leads to so much diversity of viewpoints, opinions and beliefs in this world that deters kindness and compassion to be cultivated.  Conflict is fuelled by naive realism.  Having said that, I am not advocating consensus views across the board, as this is impossible.  Rather, I am suggesting that if how we see the world is such an illusory process and so "personal", then maybe we can try to have a little more respect for those that do not see eye to eye with us.  Perhaps being less judgemental is the very least that we can do right at this instance.